I'm getting sore about walking.
When I say sore, I mean downright mad.
I haven't lost any weight. I'm still hovering around 197 to 201 lbs. I think what I did lose was just the usual summertime loss. Which means if I don't lose more, I will just gain it all back during the winter and I'll be in the same spot next year, if not a pound or two heavier.
I don't think gaining muscle has anything to do with it, although I do like how some things are shaping up. A curve on a calf here and line on the thigh there. One would think that after 3 weeks to a month of walking that there would be some steady decline. I thought that by adding something new I would see more changes. But No.
I've been "focused" since April 4th. Its July 12th! Eleven pounds in one month is something to celebrate. That was done just by changing my meal plan. Ten pounds in three months is called maintaining. Maintaining is something you do when you are 125-135 lbs. I really thought that by adding walking to my diet, I was going to lose a solid 5 lbs more. Now all I want to do is kick and scream bullshit! Good! Maybe that will do it, because I WAS SKINNIER WHEN I WAS ANGRIER AND FULL OF PRESSURE! Just throw one big calorie burning shit fit!
When I start thinking about then and now is when I really, really start to get pissed. Five years ago I was on a starvation diet. Not because I thought it was the thing to do, or because I was a fashionista. Far from it. It was because I was overworked and stressed out. I had completely lost touch with cooking and housekeeping. I wasn't sleeping because I would get home late from one job and would have to wake up early for another. Stress was tantamount. If it wasn't about work it was about the stuff that I wasn't doing because I was at work. If it wasn't about that, it was because I was in that limbo of too tired to get up and get things done but not tired enough to go to sleep. It was all about being really pro-active in getting stuff done and out of the way to have fun. Here's a little side note. You know why there are more fatalities during holiday travel? Its not because the percentages go up since more people are on the road. Its because people go to bed at 4:00 am after getting everything ready and then get up at 5:30 am to leave. No statistics, no references. Its only... "I said." Because I did. And I did several times. Before I became one of the underemployed, I lived in fear of falling asleep at the wheel.
That is, that high strung mentality. It was a steady diet of coke and cigarettes. Real Coca Cola too. Not that diet stuff. We always had pop in fridge. It was nothing to put a six pack away. Eight or nine was more like it. Back then I was 140 lbs. I thought I was big enough and could lose some weight. 160 lbs. I thought I was big and needed to lose weight. Before I quit smoking I was 190 lbs and knew I was fat and that smoking wasn't keeping me skinny anymore. 210 lbs. That's it. I'm fat.
So now 5 years later, I'm better off because I sleep on a regular schedule and I'm focused on the family and home. I eat 3 meals a day, have increased my fruits and vegetables and quit eating my high fat saucy, one pot meals. Since I started eating regularly, I quit eating until I was stuffed until it hurt. I quit drinking the pop, and its been a year since I quit smoking. What now? Everything is all better except for being fat and broke?? I am listening. I am doing. I am applying. I have made all these changes and things get worse. I think 5 years is allowing enough time to see results from change.
Back to my current issue from walking for about 45 minutes 4 days a week. There are a couple of things that I can gather for why its not working.
1. I quit eating right away in the morning.
My new routine is to roll out of bed, brush my teeth, put my hair up and get my water. Some days I don't have to get dressed because my Jammie's look like yoga clothes, so I just put on my shoes and go meet my neighbor.
2. Routine is messed up.
I'm not getting to the things I want. At first when I got out and walked, I had more energy, I would go right to cleaning house and getting ready. Then I'd have to go to work. The result is that I started skipping breakfast again as it gets later and later my breakfast actually becomes my lunch.
3. More Stress.
Since I don't do my sedate things like my writing and my neighborhood stuff in the morning anymore I'm not getting to them in the afternoon either. That is when I'm up and running around the house or doing errands or visiting. Since I get the routine done in the AM instead of my computer stuff. I welcome more interruption. Until I notice that days are starting to pass and I'm not doing my stuff. I don't want to say that there is a loss of happiness, because I'm still doing the thing, where I'm not trying to achieve happiness. I'm trying to go about things without getting pissy or gloomy about it. Now, since one is getting left out, I do get pissy or glum while doing the other.
Plus I'm fat and broke. The stress of the underemployed is that you are slowly strangling yourself. I'm good for a few days, because I'm finally living the way I think life should be, then something happens and all the needs and wants get a hold of me and come and stay for a while. I'm pretty content with the day to day operations around here. I have to say that I'm better off than I ever have been. I'm so very blessed because the kids are still at home and not on their own. So that they can get to know the real me instead of the perpetual worried, bitchy me that I used to be. So I keep going because I know that going back to my prior activities wasn't the answer either. But still even as anti-girl I am about shopping, a girl can still only go so long without.
4. It may just be my Google settings so I don't know about anyone else but I'm seeing a new rash of headlines on the sleep and weight connection. Which explains my little rant. I feel I have personal proof that less sleep, less calorie intake, increased stress, and anger, equals burning an excessive amount of calories for weight control. Although NOW, that I'm done ranting and ready to rationalize, when I stop to think about it, I'm getting less sleep since I started walking. Did I do a trade off? I've been getting up earlier because that is when my neighbor wants to do it. I thought that I would start adjusting and go to bed earlier. But it ain't happening. So now I'm seeing a difference in getting 8 hours of sleep and 6 1/2 hours of sleep. My new question is, if it is the difference between losing and maintaining the weight? I'm going to see if she would have time to do it a little bit later. Then hopefully I would gain an answer to my even newer question. If I get another 1 1/2 hours of sleep per night, would I find the energy and therefore the time to start and additional exercise routine?
Wished I would apply my little adjustment of using less words here. But, its a process.... This is what 1,468 words look like.
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