weigh in 5/30/11 10:00 am

Weight
 201.2
Eating Scale
 8
Activity Scale
3

See what I mean?  I'm back up over 200.  So?  I'm still not 211.  I believe when I hit 195 that is when I can really start celebrating and saying that I'm not 200 lbs anymore.  I don't know if you noticed that I was careful to say that the scale read 198 and 199 lbs.   I knew that there was a chance that the scale could read 200 and above again.  So I celebrated the fact that it read less.  Today I'm good and looking forward to reading a lower number again soon.

Its Memorial Weekend.  I sat in front of the computer all morning.  I sat in front of the TV all afternoon.  As kids my Mom used to take us camping.  This weekend she took us out for Pizza.  I made a Root beer Float.  I ate a whole bunch of bread.  White bread too.   In the evening neighbors that didn't leave for the weekend had fire pits and were grilling out just as if they had left town for a campground anyway.  So we all grabbed our beers and house hopped around the neighborhood.  I had corn on the cob.  It was grilled with the husks on and I ate it with butter and salt.   It wasn't my butter. I had no control over it.

Oh, Yeah...  almost forgot.  My Mother-in-law works at one of the local Country Clubs.  She has her own famous caramel rolls for Sunday brunch. She has been bringing leftovers over here for quite a while now.   So I had some of  those too.

Am I deterred?  Am I wallowing in self-pity?  Am I going to go and sabotage all my hard work and all that I have accomplished?   No.  Right now I feel nothing.  Its just another day.  I continue on.  I cooked breakfast and ate it and there are pork chops to be cooked for the next meal.  I continue on and I will still continue to lose.  I don't have to make a big deal about it when I go out to eat.  In fact its not even and issue.  I know I've eaten correctly at home and I don't have to go broadcasting and doing a public demonstration of my diet when I'm out amongst the people.  I am not guilty. I am not naughty, naughty, naughty.

It takes time and practice to get used to everything being okay and not being judgemental like we've screwed everything up and its all over.   So when starting any routine if you are quitting smoking or losing weight this is the first battle.  And it may not have anything to do with eating or addiction.  It has to do with this sense of right or wrong and then the guilt screwing up.  Then waiting for what ever comes so you can pay the consequences of it all.   No, No, No.  That is not the way it works.  I will revisit this topic often, before you do any exercises just wrap your head around the idea of What if I didn't feel guilty?  What if I didn't get into trouble?  What if the consequences never come?   Don't get too carried away.  We still have laws in this country.  Right now.  Don't do anything.  Just ask what if?